4. External Bargaining
If your ex would just take you back, you’ll be a better, more attentive partner. Everything that’s been wrong, you’ll make right. If you can convince your ex that the relationship will be better this time, you can make your pain go away. At this stage in your grieving process, your capacity for reason and judgment are significantly impaired, making you prone to offering bargains you can’t and don’t want to keep (you probably shouldn’t be operating heavy machinery either). Do you really want to be responsible for fixing all the relationship’s problems? Do you really want to put the entire burden of repairing, maintaining, and sustaining it on you?
Any relief you get by cajoling your partner into consenting to another try is usually fleeting—you can’t seal every crack or compensate for every problem the two of you had, especially after taking the breakup blow and having your trust in this person damaged in the process. As much as you might believe you can singlehandedly fix everything that’s been wrong, it’s impossible to maintain the level it would take to do that, and you just can’t be responsible for everything.
If your ex relents, it may initially rekindle the relationship. However, the amount of pressure that’s now on you to keep the relationship afloat is unrealistic, and it becomes too exhausting and unrewarding to sustain.
